Me, Myself and I

Thursday, April 24, 2008

It's so complicated, random, difficult and unpredictable. I don't understand but out of concern I want to know. I don't mind what happens, I really don't. I starting to feel the other way. Totally different from what I felt earlier. I don't want to. Please don't make me feel that way. Hiding isn't the way but proving is! I'm glad if it's really what I predicted because I know that's the one. I realized you did it for my own good. I really thank you. At first I don't understand why but now, I do because I realized something that many people around me did but I still felt that I should have understand it earlier from your words but nothing at all came. Nevertheless, I understand already so it's alright. You're out of my league. Friends are forever but love isn't. We'll be fine, I promise. It's a dream I had and now I'm awake. Rise and shine Matthaeus, it's time for a brand new start.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Long time never post already. Had a lot of stuff to say but I just stopped myself from posting. Why? I don't know too. Well. I got some photos to post. Funny ones indeed.

Having Enterprise Skills Lesson. Got so stress? LOL!

New pose for See No Evil. LOL!

New pose for Hear No Evil.

Stop acting like a rabbit. You don't look like one! But you look quite alike with Jack. Hahahaha.

Haha. We are promoting our comb! =)
So much for those very very ugly photos of her. Now it's time for another ugly one. Taaadaaa~

She's posing two Vs means that she doesn't agree with the word UGLY but adding two Vs infront of it and it becomes VERY VERY UGLY! Ya, I agree with you XiaoJun just don't want to hurt your feelings. HAHAHAHAHA! Whatever luh! Okie my photo show ended.

It's time to post about what happened recently, I'm withdrawing from school for sure because of some reasons. The environment there doesn't suits me. I'm heading towards MDIS if possible. If not, I'm going to NS. MINDEF don't allow me to defer my national service. Yes! they don't. FUCK THEM! It isn't fair for me because I'm born in January before my O levels was released therefore I can't enroll with MDIS because I don't have an O levels certificate. CMPB tell me tha I can't be deferred because there's a stupid rule saying you're already 18 and if you want to persue your studies on private schools, you have to be under the age of 18 and the course must commence before your birthday. What the fuck is this? Totally rubbish la! Hello! Rules 是死的，人是活的！Can't they think out of the box? Say what education is important. Talking cock only! What 10 years of education is compulsory. 活到老学到老? I think should change to 活到老NS到老 better. Had no choice but to go see the MP of Keat Hong, Mr Zagy. Now I'm awaiting for the outcome. I hope it's really the last time. =)

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

All these precious moments
With you by my side
Must be a gift from heaven
That's holding me all night

I don't know how I found you
I'm thankful that I have
Now that I have a love so true
To hold, to keep, to share

In my heart I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I'll always be with you until the very end
In this world there is no place I'd rather be
You are my life, my soul, my girl
You through it all I know
That you've come to see
that you're the one till the end

All my friends around me
Say you'd be gone too soon
Baby I'm gonna make them see
We've found our way back home

In my heart I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I'll always be with you until the very end
In this world there is no place I'd rather be
You are my life, my soul, my girl
You through it all I know
That you've come to see
that you're the one till the end

We’ll always be till the end

Monday, April 14, 2008

Hello everyone~ Today is the first day of school for me. Orientation was quite alright I guess. Met some new friends in school. From now on is no joking matter. I promise to work doubly hard and achieve much better in life. My feelings will remain the same. Thoughts will remain the same. I just hate to see this happening. Bringing me joy at first and dragging me down in the end. Maybe it's my fault, but I just hope things do get better. I think my class is going to be fun. Can't wait to have lesson soon. The classrooms and toilets sucks to the core. Classrooms is small. Toilet stinks like shit! Hopefully I'll manage to search for a clean toilet in school if not my bladder is going to burst for sure. =( Cheer up people! I need encouragement and motivations. Especially from you. I need it, I really do. Thank you, thank you. Never forget, never regret just catch. I'll take my chances and opportunities. Feels great today, thank you. Hope same thing goes to you. And yes Hui Qing, I still recognise you even thought you are in your specs. =) Take care all~ Cheers~

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Am I a very insensitive person? As in seriously can anyone tell me? I really don't know. I care about how people think about me. What's wrong with me? For what I said, I don't mean anything. I'm sorry. I do think twice before saying stuff alright. I only know I'm a sensitive person. In fact I'm very sensitive indeed. How could a sensitive person say some insensitive things? But if that's the case, it's my fault. I apologize. I hope you'll be alright because I really don't mean anything. For the past few days I finally realized that I'm still deceiving myself. Maybe I'm just escaping for that period of time. I just have to find something to handle this but my way of handling it is not right. But for the time being I still can't accept any other ways of handling. I'll deal with it someday. I know no one can help me but myself. I walk alone. It's hard to forget what had been remembered. Just like what done cannot be undone. But people just need time. With time, what's impossible will be possible. How long? Don't ask me, I don't even know. Yes, I'm still feeling the same. Nothing is changing for now. I know changing it requires millions of time. No one understand how I felt. Have you ever thought how I would feel? Maybe I'm too naive or in other words, dumb. I don't want it this way. Yes, I agree with you my friend, unpredictable is the right word to describle. I'm beaten, utterly beaten. I've lost.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Hello everybody~ I'm here to bring my sizzling hot fellow ex-schoolmates into fame. Bringing you guys their photo. Give comments everybody. Firstly, It's Gan Sheau Jun. LOL!

Don't kill me alright. Haha. Hmm, Quite alright I think but hair a bit too long. Tsk tsk tsk. Don't think you poly can keep long hair hor! Still must cut understand? LOLOLOL!

Up next, is Kho Yan Jing! Oh my god! Who walloped your face? Why is it so chubby red? Ya you know what I'm going to say so I shall keep it to myself. Let other comments alright? So people comment on her please. I'm speechless =x

Thirdly, is Ong Yu Zhi Joshua. See his eyes like sleeping like that. Eh HELLO! UNCLE! Poly already hor! still sleeping? Wake up leh. Buay pai seh meh keep sleeping. Don't be like Yuan Chao leh. =X

Next is Tan Yuan Chao. Hmm. What can I comment? Quite normal, nothing special. =)

Lastly, Tan Jin Kang Markcus. Sheau Jun says you look fat. I think it's nice. =)

Guess I really nothing better to do. But my idea of blogging this came from Xiao Jun. Don't angry ar people. I mean nothing seriously. You know me right? =)) Cheers everybody~ Take care guys!

Monday, April 7, 2008

I'm sick but nevertheless I still wants to make an entry. Feeling seriously horrible in the morning when I woke up. Then I went to see a doctor and fortunately I'm feeling a lot better now. Thanks Dr.Tan Tze Lee. He's very nice indeed. Everytime I take his medicine I'll recovers after a long rest. School started for most of my friends. Because it's Republic Polytechnic. The school I can't get in. =( Well, it's alright. I'll strive hard and get into Ngee Ann Polytechnic Business School. That's my main objective now. I don't want to be a useless person in the future so I just have to work hard now since it's still not too late. My course structure is good because all I'm interested in all. Except the sports and wellness segment. It's time to forget and start afresh now. It's a brand new environment, school and friends. But Matthaeus will still be Matthaeus. No doubt for sure. =) I'll miss everyone for all those times we had. Wishes everyone all the best in everything they do. =) I'm going to bed again now. Need to rest. Nights~

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Nothing much to talk about now. Today is the 4th of April. Happy 18th Birthday Jeremy! Finally same age as me already. For now, I'll keep things to myself. Blog it all out when I can't take it anymore. So awaits everybody. Nights~

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Interactions and more interactions. Is the situation still the same? What about the mindset and thinking? I don't understand whether to believe what was mentioned. I doubt myself. What's going on? Maybe once bitten twice shy. Am I contented? I don't know myself too. Oh great, now what? for heaven sake, someone please give me some advices and guide me. I'm lost again. Shit this piece of shit. Yawns~ I'm tired. My eyes are closing, head's spinning and I'm yawning. Well well, is there any nature that can take my course? what's nature? nature is crap. Totally off. I'm sensitive and I care. Every little thing means a lot to me. Little movements and actions causes. Stupid things make my day. Maybe I'm stupid. Yes, in fact I'm really stupid. If not i won't be blogging this rubbish. I awaits destiny. Where's my fate and faith? Gone, everything is gone. Nothing is left. I suppose I don't know what is gone and what's still left for me. Anybody know? I should have brain wash myself. Remove everything from this corrupted brain. I want a carefree life with what I want. But what I have is the other side of life and I don't get what I really wants. People may say I always get what I want but that's different. I rather not receive those stuff and in exchange, have what I really want. But too bad, I can't. Why? I don't know either. What a joke. Laugh people, laugh all you want. Is there anybody that really understand me? My family? Nope I don't have a family. I'm an orphan. Used to it already. Is like what's the point of having a family when you don't even talk to them. I'm a mute at home. They are simply irritating and unreasonable. No one will understand. Well, I've already made myself a plan. Shucks! Sighs. I'm tired, need a break now. Nights everybody.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Thoughts and moments than I've been recalling. Chosen my path, Not the other path mentioned below, It's a new path that I'll walk myself. Whether I'm right or wrong is my choice. I choose it. Blame myself if I'm wrong. I'll be invisible without letting you know my presences. Sorry but I just can't be truthful because I don't want to screw things up again. I screwed lots of things. Shan't elaborate on what I had screwed. Personal stuff. Silence is all I want and need maybe sometimes little actions but keep it simple. Low profiling. Hoping that someday my presences will be felt. I don't want to be a failure. Sometimes I just don't know what I'm doing. As in seriously thinking I think I'm stupid. For some reasons I do stupid things. That's so totally irresponsible. Well maybe till now I still don;t know the meaning of being responsible. I never learn my lesson. Maybe I'm stubborn or it's just me. Yes me, Matthaeus, as simple as that. Sometimes it tends to be complicated. Dreams shattered, tears shedded and everything's gone in a flash. Can't even say goodbye. I don't see any chances and opportunities given to me. It's so unfair. In fact, nothing is fair in this world because in this world, people and heartless, realistic and cruel. I wonder how they have the sense of touch to feel things? Crap. Maybe they lost it somewhere. For heaven sake, find it back and feel for yourself as well as others. Then they will understand the feeling of being kind and warmhearted. Without this, they sucks. There's karma in this world. At first I don;t believe it but as times goes and for some reasons, I believed. Beware everybody, maybe someday karma will knock on your door and bring some darkness into your life. I experienced it. The feeling isn't good. So people, learn to cherish every little thing you have and think twice before hurting anyone. It's 6.16am now, rise and shine everybody. For me I'm off to bed now. Bye~